Under extreme duress

I kid you not.

Earlier this evening, I was having an MSN conversation with Julia, and she was nagging me to blog - naturally I biggled her off with my usual daring excuse skills:

Come away with me says:
Why don't you
Come away with me says:
?
Joth says:
I would, but...
Joth says:
I HAVE NO HANDS
Come away with me says:
Oh...OK...

And so this conversation passed into the distant memories of five minutes earlier. However, I then heard a knock on the door. Rising from my throne of skulls, wading through my ocean of blood, I opened the door. Behind it was...nothing. I closed the door, waded back, clambered back up the bones of the ancients, only to find a black cat sitting on my throne.

Angered by this intrusion into my inner sanctum, I rose to my full height, towering a full two feet over the sitting cat. Glaring down with my baleful eyes, I demanded a full explanation and apology for this trespass.

The cat licked itself, and waved its tail laconically.

Well, by now, my face was pretty crimson, I can tell you. I was just about to unleash an eternity of pain and torment, when I noticed the cat was now sitting upon my horned helmet.

To be precise, it had attached a furry ball to one of the horns, and was now batting it around with its paw.

Marvelling at this feline felon's stealth, the horrific truth dawned on me, like a horrific dawn:

IT WAS A NINJA CAT!!!!!

That's right - one of the infamous Ninja Cats of the Mm'baatou Mountains, trained under the Great Sensei Sweep, and who probably studied under the Deathmaster Zapp!

I quickly ran through a mental checklist of my enemies powerful enough to have one such of these as a servant. Buddha...not his style...Bono...wouldn't have chosen a -black- cat...that guy at Waterstones...no, killed him last week...Julia! Of course!

Evidently she had been greatly incensed, and had sent after me one of her prized henchpets to make sure I did my blogging.

So here I sit, hunched over the keyboard, lightly dusted in cat hair, while that dealer in death, that purveyor of pain, that seller of stealth, that tradesman in terror, that sh- OW!

OK, enough metaphors.

While that cat sits on my lap, purring softly.

I'm just thankful that my allergies haven't....ACHOO!