A Very Important Matter

Good evening everyone.

I am writing to alert you all about a very serious danger - one that is a constant presence in our everyday life, yet a peril that has so far been overlooked by the government.

I speak, of course, of the evils of toast sweat.

Toast sweat was first pointed out to us 10 years ago by Father Frasier, in a classic episode, with a moral slant. In what was no doubt intended to be a criticism of modern values, Frasier's father Martin lectures Frasier on the repercussions of leaving toast upon the counter, only to have Frasier respond with scorn and derision, dismissing toast sweat as a serious threat.

How many of us have held that same attitude?

Yet the negative effects of toast sweat have run havoc through Frasier's life. Never being able to hold onto a serious relationship, occasional job insecurity, a neurotic brother, grouchy father, and a series of humourous misunderstandings and cases of mistaken identities - all, it could be said, avoidable had Frasier not paid more heed to his father's warning.

Let us take a lesson from this foolishness, and take a moment to examine the effect toast sweat has had upon our own lives. It begins with buttering toast on the counter, without a plate - yet how quickly it spreads. Soon, in our haste, we leave this residue on the counter, allowing bacteria to fester and multiply. The next counter user sees this, and wipes it up. Yet all too soon do they too dismiss it, and leave it be. With the sweat soon comes its cronies - unwashed plates, crumbs, and tomato pus.

Within a matter of weeks, the kitchen is a FESTERING MASS OF DISEASE. Sure, like Frasier's, it may look respectable, but the rot has set in underneath. And as the kitchen, heart of the household, begins to corrupt, so does it affect the rest of the house and all who live in it.

Homework is not done, tea not made, clothes not washed, carpets not vacuumed. This external chaos soon penetrates into the family's hearts, and our very souls and minds are in turmoil!

How many careers have been ruined, relationships broken, friendships drained, parent-child bonds cut forever due to this threat upon our sanity!

And yet, ironically, it is one so easily avoided.

So please, my friends (and this applies to us all!) when you see toast sweat lying upon the counter - whether it was made by you or not - wipe it up immediately. Do not become complacent, or think 'someone else' will do it - there is no-one else.

Only YOU can save mankind!